In My Heart
by Gre3nleaf
Summary: Lord Elrond's youngest child has one of her first experiences with death, and immediately takes it out on the one who caused it. But if what happened is justifiable, will she be able to accept this?


**In My Heart**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing apart from Eleniel. Everything belongs to the amazing J.R.R Tolkien :)**

 **(If you haven't read Rivendell's Star: Eleniel is my OC. She is Lord Elrond's youngest child and Elladan, Elrohir, Arwen and Estel's little sister. For this fic, she is the equivalent of a 17-year old human).**

* * *

 _"How could you do that_?"

The scream that echoed throughout the Last Homely House that afternoon made everyone's ears ring.

"Eleniel, _lower your voice_."

"No!" came the indignant reply, "I will not!"

Elrohir, for it was the elf lord these screams were directed at, stood straight and tall, narrowing his eyes. "Then let us do this somewhere the whole house will not hear us," he said, turning around and beginning to walk down the corridor.

Eleniel clenched her fists. "Why should I? Maybe I _want_ the whole house to hear of what my stupid orc of a brother has done!"

"That's it."

Eleniel stood unmoving, glaring at her brother as he stormed towards her. When he reached her, he bent down and picked her up, draping her over his shoulder as he walked quickly down the corridor.

" _Let me down pe-channas!"_

Elrohir ignored his sister's shouts of protest and the repetitive thumping on his back, instead keeping a tight hold on her and wincing every time she punched a place where there was already a bruise.

Turning a corner, he smiled apologetically at a maid as she walked past, flinching at the piercing screams, and walked straight into his room.

His eyes squeezed shut and he lurched forward as a searing pain burned on his lower back.

" _Ow_ , Eleniel! Valar what is _wrong_ _with you_?" he said as he all but threw the elleth onto his bed, rubbing his back where he was quite sure she had either bitten or harshly pinched the place where he had been cut on one of his patrols and had had to have stitches just two weeks ago.

" _You_ are what's wrong!" the elleth said, sitting up in the bed. Her face was red and she was breathing heavily.

Elrohir looked at her, his expression pained. Slowly, he straightened up and drew a deep breath, the burning beginning to subside. "Why am I what is wrong?"

"Because you _killed my horse!_ " Eleniel shouted, her voice beginning to lower as she finished the sentence. Her face fell, and tears suddenly began to rush down her cheeks, sobs escaping her lips as she put her head in her hands and cried.

Elrohir sighed. He turned and sluggishly sat down on the chair by his bed, dragging a hand down his face and closing his eyes.

"Eleniel," he started.

"What?" came the rude reply, but the younger twin decided to ignore it.

"You know why I did what I did."

"Why you _murdered_ her?"

"Don't say that. Please."

Eleniel's gaze stayed on her brother for a moment longer before she put her chin in her hands, wet red eyes staring at the door opposite her.

It had been quite a shock to return from her patrol with Glorfindel and his second-in-command only to find out that her beloved horse, Tathar, had died while she had been gone. The mare had been with her for many years and she had loved her to pieces. However, this meant that she was old. The horse had been stiff, her once glossy chestnut coat had been covered with grey hairs, and all she had done during the day was sleep. She had been unable to be ridden for quite some time, and so Eleniel had taken a different horse from the stables with her on the patrol, not thinking much of it.

Nevertheless, things had quickly gone downhill for Tathar while the youngest peredhel had been gone.

The mare had fallen ill one morning, and Arthion the stable master had found her lying on the floor, brown eyes staring into space as her chest heaved with each agonizing breath she took.

He had immediately told Elrond and his sons, who came down to see her. They had stayed with her for a while, until Elrohir, who had an extremely close bond with all the horses in the stable, had looked into her eyes. The message became clear to him.

She wanted to go.

She didn't want to wait – she was too _scared_ to wait – she wanted to die that very moment.

Elrohir had told his father and brother, and they agreed on what had to be done.

Sitting next to the beautiful animal, stroking her neck and whispering to her as Elrohir readied his bow and arrow had been the hardest thing both Elladan and Elrond had done in a long time...

"Why did you do it Elrohir?"

The peredhel turned his head, looking straight into his sister's cold blue eyes. He couldn't remember the last time she had used his full name.

"You know why."

"No, I don't. I don't understand how you could kill her like that."

"Like what?" Elrohir said, anger rising as he sat up in his chair and looked pointedly at his sister. "I did what I did because Tathar wanted me to. It was clear for all to see. She had lived like that for too long, Eleniel Peredhel, and she _wanted to die_. I put that poor horse out of her misery, and it was the best decision I have made in a long time. She is at peace now, do you not understand? Would you rather have kept her alive to suffer?"

"You don't understand."

" _Don't you dare_ say that. _Don't you dare_ ," the elf lord said, his own tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. "I understand _perfectly_ well. It may have been the best decision, but that does not mean it was easy. Shooting that horse was the most difficult thing I have done. I know she was your horse, and I know you wanted to say good bye, but you wouldn't have been home for another week, and Tathar wanted to go at that very moment." He paused, glancing at Eleniel's face. She was looking at him with so much hurt. "She was tired, Eleniel. Please understand that. She couldn't go on any longer. She was dying as it was, and all I did was help her along."

All was silent, the elleth slowly absorbing everything he had said. She understood better now, though she was still horribly upset and angry. But at what? Was she angry at the fact that he killed her, or was she angry at the fact that out of all the elves in Rivendell, it had had to be her _brother_ who did it...?

After a while, she stood up and made her way over to the ellon, immediately sitting down on his lap and curling herself up into a ball. She pushed her face into his chest and cried. "I'm sorry," she sobbed, "so, _so_ s-sorry."

Elrohir removed his hand from his forehead and wrapped his arms around her. "I know," he said.

What she had done had been understandable, though admittedly he wasn't exactly expecting that outburst. He knew that it wasn't entirely the fact he had shot her that angered her, it was the fact that she was dead and that she had never been able to say good bye. That horse had been her best friend, to put it simply. Whenever she was upset, she would go to the stables and sit on the hay in Tathar's stall, speaking to her and venting until one of her brothers or Glorfindel found her.

She was gone, and Eleniel hadn't expected it.

"Thank you for h-helping her."

Elrohir smiled, kissing the top of the blonde head. "You are welcome my little bird."

He suddenly remembered something, and shifted in the chair until he was able to reach into his pocket and take out an object. He handed it to Eleniel, who took it before confusedly looking up at her brother.

"It is a bracelet," Elrohir said, "made out of Tathar's mane hair. I had it done shortly after she died."

Eleniel smiled, tears beginning to flow freely down her cheeks again as she slipped the braided hair onto her wrist. "Hannon le Ro."

Elrohir smiled again, leaning forward to hug his sister closer to him until he suddenly winced and gasped in pain.

Eleniel looked at him in concern. "What is it?" she asked.

The ellon smiled at her. "I think I may have to take a visit to the Healing Rooms."

Eleniel frowned. What was he talking about- Oh.

She grimaced. "Oops."

"Oops indeed. Come on."

Eleniel slid off his lap, waiting for her brother to heave himself up before taking his hand in hers and walking with him out of the room.

Her eyes strayed to Elrohir's silver bracelet. It was identical to hers, and she was suddenly reminded of the bond she had with all three of her siblings. It had been silly of her to get mad at her brother like that. She loved him to bits, and she had known deep inside from the start that what he had done had been the right thing.

She looked at her new bracelet and smiled. Now, when she looked at this, she would also be reminded of the friendship and love she held for Tathar.

She may not be on Middle-earth anymore, but she would always be in her heart.

And to her, that was the best place to be.

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 ** _whoever you hold in your heart_**

 ** _is forever and always a part of you_**

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 **Elvish used:**

 **Pe-channas - Idiot**

 **Elleth - Female elf**

 **Ellon - Male elf**

 **Hannon le - Thank you**

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 **I hope you enjoyed this! It was originally going to be a drabble for the prompt 'Hatred', but then I thought that this is something I'd prefer to see as a one-shot, because not every one reads my drabbles... so I made it longer and here we are!**

 **By the way, if you don't know anything about Eleniel and Elladan's identical bracelets, you can find all the info you need in chapter 8 of _One Hundred Green Leaves._**

 **The last few sentences kinda make me think El's talking about her mother instead of her horse, which is sad :(**

 **Please review and tell me what you think! :D ~ Gre3nleaf**


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